Super Fan Round Table

Tonight 7pm, I am on Super Fan Round Table hosted by Mutt. Check it out on Howard 101.

Res ipsa loquitur

While I continue to digest the Howard TV production of Gary's first pitch (I am wrestling with the thought of actually giving Doug a compliment here), I thought now would be a great time to revisit one of the biggest black holes in Howard TV. I speak of course about the Howard TV Cameraman who interviews guests pre and post show.

How this position has been this poorly managed is beyond me. Besides Howard this person is the only one with direct access to some of these A-List talents, yet the person working the camera more often than not comes off more like a fan who won a contest rather than a professional broadcaster. Let's take a look the recent Tom Bergeron interview for a great recent example of how poor this interviewing style is. (Tom incidentally had a great interview highlighted by his Three Stooges memories).

We join the scene with Tom leaving the studio and being approached by Mike Wallace.

Cameraman: Tom...

Tom: Well that was virtually painless

Cameraman: How'd it go man?

Ok let's stop right here. This has to be one of my biggest pet peeves about Howard TV. This question is the stock question the guy asks every time someone walks out of the studio. First of all normally we just spent 40 minutes watching the interview, so we as the audience are pretty up on how the interview went. Second when has this question ever gleamed anything beyond a positive answer such as, Howard's fun, or went great. The cameraman is so untalented that Tom basically answered the question for him (virtually painless) but he is such a brainless moron that he can't change his programming mid-stream. You are about to be shocked by Tom's answer here. Also if you are watching this at home, it is great to watch a pro like Bergeron help out this schmuck, but painful at the same time that he's being subjected to the little kids table.

Tom: It went great, he's so good at promoting my book, and the Mike Tyson thing, was killing me.

Camerman: Yeah Howard had a lot of suggestions of people you should have on the show.

Ok first of all not a question, more of a comment right? And how about just using you brain and changing it into an interesting question such as; Howard was throwing some crazy suggestions out for Dancing with the Stars, you think any of them could work? It's the little things that Doug and company don't do. Tom's detention continues...

Tom: As a radio king of all media, as a friend and a promoter of my first book effort, Howard is without parallel. As a Booker for Dancing with the Stars; frightening.

Cameraman: You don't think any of those people are going to get on the show? (laughs nervously) No Mike Tyson? (Continues to laugh as if he told a joke) Octomom?

Notice it takes him two questions just to ask about a basic topic? You'd think the time constraint on the interview might make him consider such problems, but no.

Tom: Octomom!

Cameraman: Now before coming on, did you realize you had so much in common with him?

Three questions or so in and we finally hit upon the first scent of a question.

Tom: Well I knew Howard had done TM, and anyone who had read the book or seen Private Parts knows his background in radio and all that.

Cameramen: He was impressed with the Three Stooges interview?

Again is this a question? Did the cameraman not listen to the interview? Is he kept in some sort of sound proof booth while the show is on? It was the funniest topic maybe of the week, and I would bet playing those tapes on a Howard 100 special would garner huge numbers. So instead of taking the time to maybe probe a bit deeper into the topic, say by asking about how Tom feels about the possibility of a special on Howard 100. Anything but another misplaced question. Tom the pro that he is continues.

Tom: Yeah, the Three Stooges thing, I found more people, Howard and I are the same age, and people who grew up watching the Stooges who really love that story. Cause you know I was 16, and it was a cold call from my parents house, and that they would actually talk to me, let alone give me each other's unlisted phone numbers was pretty cool.

Tom has to rehash the whole story because the cameraman is so inept. Then like a scene from Lost we seem to go back in time.

Cameraman: Alright so you had a good time today?

YES HE FUCKING HAD A GOOD TIME. I am sorry to get all KANYE in my approach here, but what the fuck is he smoking. After all that we are back to the did you have a good time question. Is he a greeter at Disney selling those forced pictures they make you take?

Tom: I had a great time today

Cameraman: Next time, you, ah, need, to ah, know who's banging who on the show for Howard?

Can you imagine Sal asking a guest this type of question? Yes Howard was discussing this with Tom, but he's the King of All Media. He gets a pass. It was nauseating to have to watch Tom questioned about a topic that he seemed uncomfortable discussing even with Howard? Are we to believe this Cameraguy thought he could get more info out of this? Or did he as usual act like he's apart of the show, like he is there to tell jokes. He isn't. Point the camera and use your mind.

Tom: Yeah sure, that's the kind of information I certainly want to disseminate.

Cameraman: Alright Thanks,

This is one of the millions of horrible interviews being done 50 feet away from the King of All Media. I know for a fact Sirius and Howard TV people are reading this site (Did anyone notice after we complained about the poor category titles that there is now a Comedians tab?), so please take this advice. Ban the question "How did it go in there?"?. We know how it went, that's why we spend 10 bucks a month.

Sometimes the thing just speaks for itself.

Still waiting to hear from you Doug....

Review of Bababooey's Pitch Coming Soon

Doug's most recent boondoggle, his acquisition from MLB of Gary's first pitch at Citi Field, is supposed to be up on the best of the week today. Of course knowing Time Warner Cable, and Doug's previous work habits I wouldn't be shocked if we didn't see footage until November. But it would be a special edition hosted by Gange! Either way FDG is all over this premiere, and will be dropping our review of this "special show" shortly.

Doug couldn't mess this up, could he?

Standing Athwart History Yelling Stop*

During today's show about Gary throwing out the first pitch before the Game at Citi Field (which in a year will be remembered as one of the Top 5 shows Howard ever did at Sirius) there was real gem thrown out by Doug.

Seems that Doug and In Demand has secured the rights from Major League Baseball to get footage from the stadium of Gary's big moment. A process that I know from experience is no walk in the park. Even Doug let on to Howard that they had been in lengthy talks with MLB about securing the rights to the video.

Now I will reserve my judgements about the actual footage when it finally appears on Howard TV, but even if the show turns ok, the real joke was Doug franticly emailing Howard to let everyone know not to watch it on youtube or other services. Wait for us! Doug seemed to be crying.

Old Media White Courtesy Phone, Old Media White Courtesy Phone

This isn't 1994 anymore Doug. The idea that Howard would be able to convince people that watching the video online wasn't in their best interests shows just how obsolete your thinking is.

In Demand didn't enter into this deal with MLB just because they care about bringing you a quality product. Sure they want good shots, but they also want the marketing juice that used to come with these sorts of production deals. Imagine what entertainment was like back when people like Doug actually were the keyholders to your enjoyment. Now we can bypass these slow moving behemoths like we would an old lady driving 50 in the fast lane.

So in the end will Howard TV get anything out of this? I applaud Doug for actually securing the rights for the pitch (MLB and for that matter all pro sports don't come cheap), but it's just laughable that he thinks he can still have his cake and eat it too.

It's not 1994 Doug, even though Gange is still single, bloated, and over paid; Just like in the real 1994!

Keep going though Doug, we always need someone who thinks they can stop the march of progress.

*Thanks to WFB for Title

DOUGCON Update

Due to Doug's posting of 4 Daily Shows in one day we are now lowering the DOUGCON Warning Level to 4. We decided that Doug deserved one spot for each of the three shows that went above and beyond his normal output of one.

Please adjust all charts and news wires accordingly.

Our First Victory

Silence.

That is what you have heard from Fire Doug in recent days. I can report now that it was not swine flu nor a Doug like vacation from my responsibilities. So where have I been?

Celebrating. Celebrating the day of April 27th. The day Fire Doug's influence was first easily viewed and measurable. Allow me to explain, here is the Daily Show lineup for April 27th.

Colin Quinn
Hi-Pitch Eric
Richard Prank
Seth MacFarlane

Four updates in one day? Doug going above and beyond the call of duty? I checked my records and I couldn't find one instance of Howard TV uploading that many parts of one day before. Could it be Doug is starting to hear the footsteps from Sirius and In Demand about the crap work he was doing?

I have no doubt that without Fire Doug around we would have gotten shafted on the Colin and Richard Prank. Frankly I am shocked Doug and his lackeys could upload that much footage into edit.

So that is where I have been. Taking a well deserved victory lap. Don't worry though, this is only one small battle in the war for a quality Howard TV product. If anything this has strengthened my resolve to keep up the pressure that only Fire Doug Goodstein can create.

Still waiting to hear back from Doug, but it wasn't like anyone really thought he would contact me. Doug was just following his usual M.O. Make excuses and pass off blame until the spotlight shifts onto some one else, and then you can go back to doing the same crap you always did. The problem for you now Doug is there is no way to move out of the spotlight that is shone from the top of Fire Doug Goodstein.

You can run, but your mediocre work can't hide.

FDG Unveils the New DOUGCON Warning System

Every Natural Disaster has its own Warning System. Volcanoes, Hurricanes, Avalanches all have their own individual systems so why shouldn't the disaster known as Doug Goodstein have his own? Well we no longer have to wonder as it's my great pleasure to introduce you to the first ever Doug Goodstein Condition Warning System.

Ladies & Gentlemen I give you the DOUGCON.

The DOUGCON is a quick snapshot of the current level of ineptitude at Howard TV. (The most current DOUGCON status will always be published at the top of the site) As you can see we are currently at DOUGCON Level 7. The DOUGCON is the tenor of Fire Doug Goodstein boiled down to a number. Think of it as a quick snapshot. We all have busy days, and sometimes we don't have the time to dive into the Doug Pool so the DOUGCON is there for you.



Did Doug choose the cheaper and easier Staff Fight to air over the Celebrity Interview? Check the DOUGCON. Gange hogging the spotlight? Check the DOUGCON. Did Doug take advantage of Howard's vacation by doing sub-par work? Check the DOUGCON.



So keep checking in with Fire Doug, and we promise to continue to hold Doug's feet to the fire.

Lost

Have you ever been lost. I don't mean like pull over and ask a gas station attendant lost. I mean Oceanic 815 Lost. In fact I just returned from a place where you lose all of your senses. A labyrinth created by idiots. I speak of course about the Vault on Howard TV.



I previously discussed the criminal lack of classic E! shows in the vault, but that only touches on the visible part of the iceberg that is the Vault. The real problem with the Vault is the haphazard organization and scheduling of the programming. Allow me to explain. Here are some of the current categories in the Vault.

Girls Girls Girls

Favorite Guests

Fan Favorites

Wacky & Weird

Sexy Fun & Games

Staff Antics



How can anyone actually use these categories to find something? Do I have to read Doug & Gange's mind. Well I wanted to see this evaluation episode, so that's under Girls Girls Girls right? Of course it could be Sexy Fun & Games, but what if its in Fan Favorites? It's my favorite? She wasn't a Favorite Guest, but she was Wacky & Weird.



The end result is you just have to go through each category one at a time because there is no rhyme or reason in placement of shows. The only thing that seems planned is having the shows listed in Alphabetical order. That's all the help Doug thinks you need.



And what if you wanted to search just the new shows added to the Vault? Well good luck there too. There is no mark or category designated to new shows, so you might end up loading that show thinking its new only to realize its the same dreck Doug put up last month.



If you asked Beetlejuice to lay out the Vault he would do a better job. What happens when the Lou Sybian ride hits the Vault? (And you know it will because Doug already has it in the can, so there is no cost dumping it into the Vault in 3 months) Well Lou is one of my Favorite Guests, and a Fan Favorite. He is the definition of Wacky & Weird, and needless to say the game he participated in was Sexy & Fun. So where will Doug put it? Your guess is as good as mine.



The only category I really understand in Staff Antics. We need to separate the Gange related episodes so that all of Mike's fans can easily find them all.



Good luck finding anything in the Vault. It was designed to operate under the least amount of work necessary, not for practicality.



It's a Doug product through and through.